My Blog - Exotic Flamengo

it has been a long time i havent update my old blog.. im retiring from blogging i guess..
Anyway, it has been almost a year i wrote all the memoirs of me..
neway, really excited for events to come .. Bakal pengantin baru, to deary Siti & Jamarl ….Cik Mazlina & Wen .. with love.. congratulations

(^_^)

Part time..

06-05-06, Saturday..

The Curve’s bazzar. this is the place where i did my part time first time a help lend to my sis with upah. .. Was not really good in sales, thats why i asked someone to accompany me, my business partner ;-).. This was my sis’s kedai.  She’s selling the home deco stuff like table runner, cushion cover, table cloth, Victoria Secret Perfume & Lotion, etc..So, (PROMOTE).. anyone, who loves decorating ur home, then, this is the place to shop..

Along the day, one topic came out by my business partner.. EXPRESSION vs EXPRESSIONLESS.. Are people with expression better than people without expression? Of course people with expression better because people can see clearly the message is conveyed.  But are they being truth? When you say something, they just node ur head, with sweet smile, repeating what ur saying, feeling themselves luvly.. but do they perceived? Whilst the one expressionless.. they act like they don’t listen, but sometimes somehow, they trying to find to solution for you even they can’t get it right away, but they keep trying..they are the one who actually listen to u.. in fact, they just can’t sleep whenever you tell them, the words u throw to them, they just need time to think.. and even, sometimes what ur saying is not what u meant last time, then, they just keep it quiet and continue listen.. they want to argue, but they argue in their heart, they want to respond but they just keep in for while, because sometimes, the word just cant come out from their mouth, eyes and expression… There are people play with emotion, and there are people born emotionless.. just accept the fact.. people are not perfect..

But why are u being EXPRESSIONLESS? There are reasons:-
- when someone critisize u.. u have right to be expressionless, some people hard to accept criitics.. it just makes them feel down.. so by do nothing, at night, they will think, am i?
- when u dont want to start arguement and blame people and bring ur past.. so expressionless is important
- when u feel u r not important…  example, ur bf said , he really busy, do this do that .. (u feel u r not important to them anymore like u have been bugging him all this while).. for you it clearly meant.. give me a break!
- when u feel down.. expressionless… when u feel sad.. when people  tell how wonderful their life is, good job, good family, have good boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, dapat bonus, get this and that.. while u.. u got nothing…. so being expressionless is important rather than, just noded ur head and pretend happy hearing all that.. while ur heart just crushing apart.. it is not that u dont want to listen, it just, it will demotivate u.. some people, they dont get the motivation that easy.. so, before u open ur mouth, just becareful, whether the expressionless guy is in the mood or not..

Looking at the bright side..there are reasons for something, if u know ur partner better you’ll know.  It is not being expressionless is good, but some people is better to be expressionless. Just give time to know each other better and time to make changes. If it annoys you too much, then.. go and find the people with expression.. Because sometimes, its tiring to know u r not good at this and that.. and its tiring when u feel u not good in everything.. if you want to drop everything of just because being expressionless .. ???…

      
Last nite, after i’ve done with my work, the DMS thingy.. i just can’t sleep, lots of things wandering in my mind.. work, family, him.. and all around me.. woman do get emotion instability each month.. but me, every week ;-(   it keep me to think unrasionally..

April not for me.. bye bye april.. May to come.. i could not sleep last nite.. just lay back on my bed, then i flip through my cleo september 2005.. im just flipping through because i really need motivation to go on, physically, mentally… in cleo, there are many sections that will capture u.. fashion, about relation, about career… just name it.. lots of tips there.. and when im flipping through, my eyes catch on this article.. after reading through, im blank..

haha.. really help alot.. haha.. help me to sleep.. its 1.00 am .. then need to zzzzz… a new day to come.. God, please help me and be with me.. [-o<  …

i wonder how it feels like when you’re still studying at the age of 26, well early 26 hmm ok ok 25 years 5 months.. meaning still studying at any institution full time.. can u still catch up? can u still submit your homework@assignment on time? can you not fall asleep while your lecturer mumbling? huhu.. well if you got the guts then you can.. simple as that..

I left school for 2 years now and really missing the times.. Working in my company as my first job taught me alot in these 2 years.. even im not in a MNC.. a gah company but for second thought it is worthed.. it taught me to never stop learning and till now and i still have the goosebumps for the "promising" work by mid 2007.  Can i achieve it? I ask myself,  is this what i want? am i going to proceed? is this really build my career path? People perhaps wondering.. what i do for living.. this is where it started..

Im purely grew up in Taman Melati.. i was educated in Taman Melati & Gombak. My first school.. my kindergarten .. hmm somehow feel malu to tell, but well it was around Taman Melati. Some of my frens mostly sekolah kat tadika yang GAH nama nya.. but me, taman melati was a very low cost of living kind of place.. and the range of population comes from the government servant. I started my kindergarten year when i was 5 years old, i joint with my sister, being a cerdik lil girl was not really in me.. rather, noty.. haha.. but my sis was the bright one.. she’s good at everything and anything she does.. well admire her.. but a bit snob la, ye la anak sulung ;-).. i found that, this is the criteria which anak sulung has.. haha.. hmm nak jadi Fadzilah Kamsah. haha anak kedua plak.. hmm degil bukan main.. hehe thats fact..

Taman Melati, the place where i grew up.. Last time, you can only see some of the flat houses, green hill, then, terrace houses, apartment, town house and the latest, kondos.. thats really a evolvement for Taman Melati..  26 years in Taman Melati, lots of change.. plus LRT, high ways, schools; primary & secondary, clinic, just name it, kedai 2 ingit pun ada.. tapi ATM tak ada la, dia tak menggalakkan orang Taman Melati boros..

All the school years, it taught me somehow.. even i must confessed i was not so serious and appreciate the studies during the school time, but i learnt now and i’m ready to re-pay the debts.. even, i struggled during my ‘Uni’ time, i was not willing to learn seriously..only for GPA and pride.. to appreciate things, but after i left UIA, i realized how rugi i am that time.. the struggle is unforgiven.. then when start my working life.. it just a revenge for me.. being a so so student, it was my first stepping point and i know there are lots to learn.. there are times i feel useless but i tried to overcome.

Am my working life worthwhile? First start, im not really confident what i do in life. As first job, once u step in, you’ll end up to be in it forever.. even here and there u stuck up what u going to be.. but if u serious for what you do then you’ll get the glory.  As i first step in SKALI, i was trained to be  a programmer, then..few months later i appealed for another post because i just can’t be a programmer, kalau sesuka or part time then can la…. a programmer must be commited, not "rule-breaker", rajin, focus etc.. and it just not me, i must say it, really salute those programmers, SAs, application engineer, web master, programmer analyst all those in programming field..you guys are the bomb.. i aint do it myself..  it does not speak to my soul. even i had tried but it just it..but part time can la.. GOOD JOB guys..

I realized myself into writing, just luv to write.. i wrote diary since i was 12 years old. .. obviously, not sure i end up to be a writer.. it is more than a writing.. thats my vision.. i just want to be more than a writer.. currently i fit into this technical communication thingy..  Technical Writer.. yes i am… probably it sounds a bit slush.. but it is more than what you think.. a technical writer is not only a writer.. it is a noble job .. haha.. but i think i want more than be a technical writer.. i want to be a business writer, content writer, blog writer more and more.. a professional documenter to be.. thats one of my achieving list.. it sounds easy.. sometimes, people just make fun of it, aik belajar sampai dapat dean list end up jadi writer.. oh well… thats what i face.. i start it and i end it…end it with full of glorious..
can i?

thank God ada jugak programmer yang tak suka menulis.. sebab tu la ada post technical writer.. i am an intermediate person who communicate the system to the end user.. i have to understand the system, so have to know some coding, system understanding etc hmm.. interesting.. ke boring? haha… it just a way you put it to writing, not only that, im also responsible during the testing phase.. what i do? Test Script.. hmm simple ek? Training and Documentation phase.. deliver the requested docs.. but whats value added me? im figuring out.. i need to study. This is where i choose to be .. do a research and try value added myself.. target? all sort of documentation plus PR skilll haha.. thats better.. how? hmm try to figure out.. well my mission in life to do what people can do.. but that whats so arrogant statement rather ambitious.. do what i can do.. and i do best.. thats better..

I thought once you step into the working environment, u can pack all your books, no more studying late at night, no more datelines, no more and no more.. eventually, now.. it is more and more then ever.. responsibility is in your hand and it is your own effort to grab and grip. Ilmu pelita hidup. I know, life like me perhaps boring, but so far, i satisfy what i have and get. Just be thankful, hope better future more to come.. pray for me, and surely i pray for you.. Hope you get what you want at least, then start sketching your future now.. hmmm …………………………..

" Don’t live your life regretting what you did yesterday or the day before. The more that you regret something that you can’t change, the unhappier you will be. Make every experience (good or bad) a learning experience."

"Your past makes you into the person you are. Every obstacle that you’ve gone through has been put in your life for a reason. Any experience can be used to help someone else out. "

" Roads are filled with gravel, little stones that may trip or bruise you, just like in life. There are setbacks that will trip you, fall but stand up, for abrasions will heal. Setbacks are part of life; it comes as a package. Grit your teeth and continue walking."

" A great leader always say to his soldiers, ‘The cruelest enemy is not the one hiding behind the bushes, underneath the sand, deep in the sea or high in the air but the one that you always carry inside; and that is your fear’."

" Every achiever that I have ever met says, ‘My life turned around when I began to believe in me."

WHAT MATTERS IN LIFE(Author Unknown)

Some people understand life better

What matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means
slowing down and changing our course.